Like the dirty laundry and cat box, I have been neglecting my blog. I know at least two people are wondering why I haven’t been writing.

My parents are still living with us and the immense reality of everything that entails is slowly sinking in. They really need someone to help them everyday with medicine, doctor appointments, grooming, fixing meals…the list goes on.  And most importantly they need someone to help get their finances in order. I really haven’t been able to help them with many of these issues. Besides driving to doctor appointments, the pharmacy and making dinner for them.

It is an endless cycle of feeling guilty for not being able to do more for them (also not wanting to do more) and then feeling resentful that I have been put in this position without real planning and resources.  I’m probably the least prepared to do this out of my family. I’m the youngest with a small child, the one trying to get my career off the ground.  It is so hard to get used to my mom always asking when I will be home or telling me she is lonely if we spend the day away.

This year I’m embarking on a new path. I’m returning to graduate school. I will be studying Public Affairs at Indiana University Northwest. I want to concentrate on food policy. I’m also going to be volunteering for a local urban farming learning center hopefully doing grant writing. I’m so excited to find something I want to do as a career. Giddy like a school girl wanting to go buy my notebooks a month before school starts.

My son will be in a full day kindergarten. I’m so excited for him. We live in walking distance to his school. It really will be an exciting year.

As far as my parents go we are just wading through the paperwork and details of social services. I do think that if they were in their own place close to us they could get more attendants to come in to help and if they had two bedrooms my mom could actually get some sleep at night.

Of course my dad may have to go into the nursing home (which will be at least 3 to 6 months of financial logistics to get that done) but I just don’t think my mom is ready to make that decision. She doesn’t think he will make it in a home. And I don’t know if she will make it taking care of him all the time.